Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
