Please, let me fuck your mom
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
