Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
