is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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