I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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