Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
