There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
