I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
