If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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