I'm going to jail i love you
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
