We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
