I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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