I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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