Someone shit on the floor
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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