I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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