u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
