im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I would ride that face into the sunset
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
