guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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