Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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