She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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