U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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