I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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