I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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