Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
