As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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