I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
