to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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