i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
