Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
