you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
