I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
