Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
FUCK WHALES
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
