Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
