1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
