the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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