You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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