i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
