please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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