I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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