Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
