the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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