just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
