I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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