I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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