i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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