oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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