naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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