a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
