I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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