Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
