oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
