eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
