I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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