you guys were way drunker than both of me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
