Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
