who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
