You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
